Home Sweet Home

I apologize for the lack of an update.. we came home and started back to school, work and everything else right away so there hasn't been much time. Suffering from jet lag has also contributed to my delay in updating the blog. But.. it's good to be back, and so GOOD to be home! We've been home from China for five days now, but already it feels much longer. I guess I'll start where I left off which was back in Guangzhou, right?

We left Guangzhou in the early morning hours on Friday the 24th and didn't make it home until midnight the next day. I lost count of how long we were up for.. it was just a long journey home! The flight from Hong Kong to Chicago wasn't bad. We ended up with bulkhead seating which was almost as good as having those personal t.v. screens...which, to my dismay, we didn't have again. Fortunately, we were sitting in the front row so the t.v. was right in front of us! Asher did very well on the flights..it was definitely easier than traveling home with Esther last year. About three hours into the 14 hour flight, he was ready to get off the plane and didn't quite understand the fact that we couldn't exactly just get off since we were about 30,000 feet in the air. He sat in between my dad and I and it did get a bit frustrating at times! I don't think Asher has ever been in a situation where he has had to sit for a long period of time. After visiting the orphanage, it appeared that the kids were allowed to run around all day and do whatever they wanted, so sitting still is a new concept for him. Even though he was tired, he wasn't willing to give in to sleeping in his seat. I ended up putting his pillow on the floor and asked him if he wanted to sleep there and he did. I don't know how long he ended up sleeping because I fell asleep and didn't wake up until we were about to land.
We arrived in Chicago around 2:30 pm Central time and as Asher stepped off the plane he became an American citizen! We cleared customs and immigration without a hitch and also took care of some immigration paperwork for Asher before transferring over to the domestic terminal of the airport. I don't remember much from our time in Chicago because I was feeling really sick. We had a four hour layover before our flight to Orlando, so I went over to our gate and just slept on the floor. By the time I woke up, I was starting to feel better. There had been a lot of bad weather earlier so we weren't sure if our flight would make it out, but it did.
We finally arrived back home in not-so-sunny Florida just before midnight. (It was raining) Our good friends, Jared and Catie Pent picked us up from the airport and brought us home. The girls were all awake when we arrived and they welcomed us with a huge Welcome Home sign and food..America food! I don't remember much from that night except for scooping Emma and Esther up into my arms and not putting them down for quite awhile! Esther seemed to have grown up so much since I had last seen her. She's talking so much more and just seems a lot older!
It was just wonderful to be home after feeling so sick and being away for three weeks. Asher seemed to still just take everything in stride. I think it was a little overwhelming for him because our house must have seemed huge after living in hotel rooms the past two weeks. We also have four dogs, which Asher isn't used to.
I think we finally headed to bed around 3 am. Asher was awake just two hours later, so poor Elena and Kayla had to get up with him. I didn't wake up until 12:30 pm. Since China is very smoggy, the sun's rays are blocked and you don't need your sunglasses. I was almost blinded by the sunlight shining in through my bedroom window as I woke up that morning..or afternoon, actually!

That night the girls had planned a welcome home party for us so we had lots of close friends over. They brought us food and dessert and even some presents for Asher. For most newly adopted children, it wouldn't be a good idea to introduce them to so many new people after just coming home. But Asher is so easy going we knew he would do fine.. and he did. He loved meeting everyone and I think everyone enjoyed meeting him too.

Sunday morning we headed to church and Asher did great sitting quietly. He got a little bored towards the end so he started his usual seven year old antics, but other than that, he did great. We were singing a hymn with a chorus of "Alleluia" and as we were singing I could hear Asher's tiny voice singing right along with us! Sunday was a good day considering it was the first day we were all together. Asher did have his first meltdown, all because I wanted to change his shirt. He got pretty upset when I took a toy from him because he wasn't listening and that spun into a temper tantrum where he attacked me..hitting, pinching, kicking.. the works. Looking back, I realized I could have handled it better than I did, but I wasn't used to seeing him lash out like he did.

Monday was definitely a hard day for all of us. We started back to school last week and since we weren't here, there was a lot of school work to catch up on. Esther and Emma started back to preschool that morning, and Asher wanted to come too so I took him with me. One of my best friends' moms runs the preschool and I work there during the mornings, so they were excited to meet Asher. I think he enjoyed getting into all of the toys, but it only lasted about two hours before he was ready to go home! Once home, Mom was busy working with the kids on their schoolwork and Asher was getting bored. He's used to being outside and we've gone somewhere every day for the past two weeks, so he was not very excited about staying inside. He was not happy about the fact that we had to take a toy away from him because he was being too noisy and that turned into another meltdown. It only got worse because I had to leave and pick the girls up from school and he decided he was going to go with me.
As part of Asher's adjustment, we have to be careful of what we allow him to get away with and what he can't get away with. Because he wasn't listening and being defiant, we couldn't let him go with me because he would be winning the battle.. for lack of a better way to put it! Asher knows how to use his charming smile and temper to get what he wants, and he needs to learn that he's not going to get his way all the time. As I left, the temper tantrum began again and it soon turned into 45 minutes of rage and then grieving. I know it sounds awful.. and it was awful! He was crying, I was crying as I was leaving.. it was just awful.
We realize that he was grieving for someone because he kept repeating a name over and over. My guess is that he was crying for a favorite caretaker from the orphanage. I think he was tired of us and ready to go back to his normal life at the orphanage.
Even though it's hard, it is actually a good thing for him to be grieving. Asher has been "go with the flow" the last two weeks and has not shown any grief for the home and friends he left behind. As happy as we were that his adjustment has gone so well, we were a little worried because he wasn't missing anyone. As hard as it was to watch him go through that, to see him grieving was a good sign because it's only normal for him to do that.

Although he will be eight in November, Asher has had no schooling whatsoever. So not only does he need to learn an entirely new language, but he also has to learn simple things like writing his name, numbers, letters, etc. Since we are homeschooled, it gives us the flexibility to change the pace however we need to. If he went to public school, he would be in a class with 30 other children and completely lost. Not only would it overwhelm him, but he probably wouldn't get the one on one time he desperatly needs.
Instead, we are putting him in a once a week homeschool program that we all attend. He has two teachers who are a mother-daughter team and we've known them for 12 years. There are three other children in his class and it's a very hands on program. He won't be responsible for finishing all of his schoolwork, but merely to sit in class and soak in all he can. My dad came to this country when he was 14 years old from Chile, and he learned English by total emersion, so he believes that Asher will do well. In addition to that, one of our friends, who is a homeschool mom and a teacher, will be coming twice a week to work with him.

So, on Tuesday Asher had his first class and we weren't sure how he would do especially since he had had the meltdown. Mom dropped him off at school and waited by the phone, just incase. He did GREAT!! He loves his teachers Mrs Gwen and Mrs Haley, and they really enjoy him. Coincidentally, they are studying China right now! So.. hopefully Asher will continue to do well in the class. It also helps that Elena's class is also on Tuesdays so she will be just down the hall from him incase he needs anything.
Today Asher worked with Mrs Langford and he did great again! He's very smart and I think he's going to pick everything up fast. When I got home from school, he brought me over a yellow lego, pointed at it and said "yellow."

Asher started swimming lessons with Mr Phil on Monday and he's doing well. The first day, he loved it for about ten minutes and then decided he was done. Asher has a pretty short attention span, so when he's done with something.. he's DONE and doesn't expect anyone to tell him otherwise. However, his swimming teacher is just as stubborn as he is.. so Asher kept swimming. He wasn't very happy about it. The next day, he was excited to get his swimsuit on but the second he saw Mr Phil, he ran upstairs to his room and put his shorts back on. I ended up having to carry him down the steps..kicking and screaming. He went swimming with his shorts on, but stopped crying after the first ten minutes. Fortunately, Ian also goes in the pool with him, and helps Mr Phil by showing Asher what to do.
I know not everyone will agree with our decision to put him in swim classes the week after we got home, but it's necessary. We live on a lake and have a swimming pool in our backyard and Asher has no fear of water. No matter how much we try to always watch him, there's no stopping him from going outside and jumping in. It would be different if he was younger, but since he is older he needs to learn. Esther started swim lessons the week after she came home too. She screamed during every lesson, but with a few weeks she had learned the skills to be able to save herself incase she ever fell in. We have a great swim teacher who's very good with the kids. Our goal is to teach Asher the skills to be able to save himself incase he falls in. We'll work on strokes and other stuff later.
Today, Asher didn't cry at all and happily did everything he was asked to do. He even gave Mr Phil a hug!! He does love the pool, so I'm glad he's learning to swim so he can participate in swimming and tubing with us.

It's a huge adjustment for all of us, especially Asher. He's struggling to learn a new language and what it's like to live in a family environment, while also suffering from jet lag and eating new foods that are like nothing he's used to eating. But.. it will get better! We've been through this before with Esther's adoption last year. She still has her moments of feeling insecure, but overall she is doing great.

The kids all seem to be getting along well. Asher just adores Elena and Kayla, and his new little sisters. He's happy to assist us in any way he can whether it's emptying the dishwasher or helping take the trash out. He loves to help his little sisters play dress up, or sit and watch a movie with them. The day after we got home, the girls were showing Asher the playroom and Emma was quick to point out what he could and could not play with! The first thing she told him was "Asher, these are my dress up clothes. You CANNOT touch them because you will mess them up. Okay?"

I think he and Esther are going to fight the most since their personalities are so similar. But, I think they are also going to be great friends when they are older because they have both been through the same thing. During Asher's meltdown on Monday, Esther was the only one who was able to get him to stop crying. A lot of people have asked us if she remembers any Chinese, and the answer is no. I think she may be able to understand what he is saying, but she can't speak to him in Chinese.

Everything in our house is new and exciting to him. I don't think he's ever seen a refrigerator the size of the one we have.. and with nine people in this house, you need a big one! Asher doesn't understand the dangers of a stove or oven because he's probably never seen them before. Tonight, as I was cooking, I turned the gas stove on and he immediatley wanted to touch the flames! So as gently and firmly as I could, I told him NO! Don't do that because you will get hurt! Fortunately, he didn't touch it.. but he didn't believe me about the oven because he went and touched it anyways and realized that it was hot! He does know what the word hot means because as he touched the burning oven he yelled "HOT!"

The next few months will be full of ups and downs and we are all aware of that. But it's going to be exciting to watch him blossom. I can't wait to hear him start talking in English, and to watch him on the jet ski for the first time. He's so smart and quick to learn things that I'm sure he'll catch up with his peers in time.

Well.. I think I wrote enough to hold you all over until I can find another chance to write again. I've got pictures.. but those will have to wait until I can get them uploaded, hopefully tomorrow.

Also.. we've had several people contact us who are interested in adopting Jie, Asher's friend. At this point, we are still trying to locate his paperwork. It could be anywhere at this point, so we just need prayer that his paperwork is located and sent out to an agency here in the USA... preferably, our agency! We are so thankful for your prayers, but please continue to pray for Jie. He has several families who want to make him their son.. we just need to find his paperwork so they are able to do that.

(P.S. If you are trying to contact me and have left comments on my blog.. please e-mail me! I can't respond to most of the comments because there is no e-mail address to respond to! You can e-mail me at svmanubens@mac.com.)